Homeschooling When You're Raising a Sibling's Children

You didn't plan this. Maybe your sibling passed away. Maybe addiction, incarceration, or crisis made them unable to parent. Maybe it happened suddenly, or maybe you watched it coming for years.

However it happened, you're now raising children who aren't biologically yours—children who are grieving, traumatized, and trying to figure out where they belong. And you're trying to homeschool them.

I know this path. In 2021, I became guardian to my nephews and niece after their mother—my sister—passed away from an overdose. Some of them have special needs. All of them have trauma. And somehow, we're building a family and a homeschool together.

Here's what I've learned.

The First Priority: Safety and Stability

Before academics, before curriculum, before anything else—these children need to feel safe.

• Predictable routines help traumatized children feel secure. Same wake time, same meals, same bedtime.
• Clear expectations reduce anxiety. They need to know the rules—and that the rules won't change arbitrarily.
• Consistent presence matters more than perfect parenting. Show up. Keep showing up.
• Physical needs first. Are they eating enough? Sleeping? Do they have clothes that fit? Medical care? Start here.

Academics can wait. Safety cannot.

Understanding What They've Been Through

Children who've lost a parent—especially to overdose, violence, or sudden death—carry wounds you can't always see.

Homeschooling with Trauma in Mind

Traditional schooling often fails traumatized children. Homeschooling gives you the flexibility to do things differently.

• Go slow. Pushing academics before they're regulated will backfire. Prioritize connection and safety.
• Build in movement. Trauma lives in the body. Physical activity helps regulate the nervous system.
• Expect setbacks. Anniversaries, triggers, bad days—progress isn't linear.
• Use their interests. A child who won't do worksheets might devour books about dinosaurs or spend hours building. Follow the spark.
• Keep sessions short. Traumatized brains tire quickly. Multiple short sessions beat one long one.
• Create a calm environment. Reduce chaos, noise, and visual clutter. Predictability soothes.

When Some Have Special Needs

If you're raising children with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities, or other special needs—on top of trauma—you're juggling a lot.

• Get evaluations. If they haven't been assessed, pursue it. Understanding their needs helps you support them.
• Separate trauma from disability. Some behaviors are trauma responses; some are related to their diagnosis; some are both. It matters for how you respond.
• Use accommodations liberally. Extended time, movement breaks, verbal instructions, reduced workload—whatever helps.
• Connect with specialists. Occupational therapy, speech therapy, counseling—these supports can be game-changers.
• See our article on homeschooling with multiple diagnoses for specific strategies.

Blending Families

If you have biological children too, you're navigating a blended family—with all its complications.

• Your bio kids are adjusting too. They've lost privacy, attention, and their old family structure. Their feelings matter.
• Fairness doesn't mean identical treatment. Different children have different needs. Explain this openly.
• Sibling conflict is normal. They're figuring out how to be family. It takes time.
• Protect everyone's safety. If a child's trauma responses include aggression, you may need to supervise closely or separate during escalation.
• Family meetings help. Regular check-ins where everyone can voice concerns build trust and communication.

Taking Care of Yourself

You can't pour from an empty cup—but kinship caregivers are often running on fumes.

• You're grieving too. You lost your sibling. You lost your old life. Acknowledge this.
• Seek support. Kinship caregiver support groups, therapy, respite care—use every resource available.
• Set boundaries. You can love these children fiercely and still need breaks.
• Let go of perfection. You're doing something incredibly hard. "Good enough" is good enough.

The Long View

Some days, you'll wonder if you're making any difference at all. The behaviors are hard. The progress is slow. The exhaustion is real.

But here's what I know: you're giving these children something they desperately need—a stable, loving home where they can heal. You're showing them that family doesn't give up on family.

That's not nothing. That's everything.

The academics will come. The healing will come. It just takes longer than anyone tells you.

Resources

• Child Welfare Information Gateway: Kinship Care
• Grandfamilies.org (resources for relative caregivers)
• Local kinship navigator programs (search your state + "kinship navigator")
• Trauma-informed parenting books: The Connected Child, The Whole-Brain Child